S1:E04 – Steve – Voices from Rock Bottom

“If you are really humble, if you realize how small you are and how much you need God, then you can not fail.”

– Mother Theresa

In his own words . . .

Being asked to write 400 words about myself in the third person is extremely awkward and alien to me; so I will not even attempt to. I am not an author who’s picture sits on the dust cover of my latest novel. I am an unfinished sentence in a book far larger then myself. I am so grateful that is the case and that is where a God who has always loved me despite myself comes right in.

As a friend of mine says, “Its not so much what alcohol did to me, but rather what it did for me” and how true that statement is for me then and now.

God sought fit to interrupt my death the afternoon of November 30th 2003: prior to that I was diagnosed with multiple disorders and labels. For as long as I can remember I always sought something outside me to make me “RIGHT” on the inside as well as in the world. I sought it in books that would hopefully provided with some Willy Wonka type golden ticket to coupe with myself, my thoughts, past and life. I sought in the medications prescribed for the particular psychosis of the time. I sought in the multitude of therapists, yogi’s, healers, priests and anyone who’d listen in hopes they would have “THE” answer. The answer was always there though; as close as the air I breath then and now.

I grew up always believing in God, my mother had an unflinching faith and love for “my best friend Jesus” which I read years after her passing in a letter . She described a loneliness as a child that only He filled. I am my mothers son. She also sought God in booze. Alcohol did far more then intoxicate me physically; it set me free. I sought so much in the bottom of a bottle of Gin. My seeking cannot yield. Even more so this very day removed from all substances.

The life I “GET” to live today is based on ultimately two things: Gods grace and Recovery. I am a son, brother, brother in law, uncle, nephew, RN, sponsor, sponsee, co-worker, friend..anything I am and everything I will be is because of those two tremendous gifts. The thing that almost killed me is now my greatest resource. God was always present. I found Him not in the church above but the basement below when I came to the end of “MY” own resources with His arms wide open, His love abundant and a tear in His eye saying, “welcome home”.

Steve led our vow ceremony at our wedding luau, which my wife and I celebrated our marriage again with all of our friends. Here’s a photo from the ceremony.

Steve is one of our very special “God” friends.