Chrysalis

C2F3F13C-87A7-478A-BB6A-2CAE0D5F4EF4.jpeg“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” I got this quote tattooed on my back in 2012 to celebrate one-full-year of #sobriety. It’s very pretty, stretched across a cherry blossom branch with a butterfly.

In #recovery, we can always feel a wave of #change drawing in. Each year has its own spiritual lesson, a new spiritual journey or test of our character. It’s a good thing, even in the most trying moments. Right before I celebrated my 7th year of recovery, I felt it coming on. And I basically said, “Danielle, brace yourself.”

You know, I’m not a perfect person – though I’d like to be (lol). I still make mistakes, plenty of them. But it’s in “the scraping of the knees” that I get to see how truly human I am.

I’m imperfect, and there’s always room for improvement. I still struggle with (mild) self-imposed crises. And, I can still be selfish and self-centered; the world doesn’t revolve around me?! Sometimes, I hold onto expectations – some realistic, others not.

I can still let people down. I have a hard time forgiving myself, letting go of the shame and guilt from the past, which can make me cynical, sarcastic, arrogant, and a “little” rough around the edges.

I can be unpredictable, but even in the moments when I believe that no one truly knows me – I’ve very easily seen and more predictable than I’d like to let on.

People pleasing, phew – one of my worst and biggest defects. “Imposter syndrome” is next in line. I wish everyone would like me all the time! (Remember I said earlier, unrealistic expectations).

I am my own worst enemy, my harshest critic, and well, maybe this is the year for all that sort of healing. Maybe I’m feeling optimistic, or the caffeine has got me good, or I’m feeling myself with my crazy bed hair. — God, Universe, whatever’s up there – GRANT ME THE SERENITY.

Help me to live with intention.

Help me to be gentle with myself.

Help me to find my light and channel my inner baby Buddha.

I know “life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. I’ve lived it.

Help me to practice wellness and laugh and love myself.

Help me to have the strength to do what I love.

Help me to find #gratitude within the #chrysalis.

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